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The brief moment of excitement gone, I was ready to crawl back into bed and sleep. I just wished that the next morning could be further away. * Chapter 2 – the morning after I had forgotten how bitter the coffee was until I drank it the next morning. It didn’t really help. I still felt like I was walking around in a fog. I grabbed my things. I drove my car. I walked quickly into the building. Everything seemed so automatic and colorless. I found my desk and turned on the computer. I opened my ‘to do’ list for the day. Why was my life this way? I scanned the projects and picked the easiest out. I printed the document and got it from the printer. I pulled out the red pen and began to write. This wasn’t the life I imagined when I went to school. It wasn’t supposed to work this way. A degree in Spanish with a legal assistant certification was supposed to lead to travel. I was supposed to meet some exotic man on a plane who couldn’t live without me. Instead I was writing verbs in red. “Do you not want me to sleep with you just yet?” I asked. “No, it's not that, we'd definitely be at boyfriend and girlfriend status then, are we sure we wanna move to that already?” Ray asked. He had a good point, but I loved him and I wanted it. “Well, maybe it's a little fast, but I think once you find that person, why wait?” I asked. “You mean you wanna be with me?” Ray asked. “Yes, so why wait? We know we love each other and are gonna start sleeping together sooner or later. I guess what I'm saying is, I don't want us to be just love and sex, I wanna have a real relationship with you,” I replied. “What do you mean sis?” Ray asked. I just took a deep breath and hoped he'd be OK with what I was about to propose. “I wanna be your girlfriend, I wanna sleep with you and go on dates too. All that boyfriend/girlfriend stuff I guess. I don't just wanna have sex and have us tell each other we love each other for how ever long this lasts. I just wanna start it now honestly, I wanna be.
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